There should be rules in place when you date or seek to date.
If we pay attention to what once was, we can see the potential for what can be.
Sometimes, people want to make up their own rules and then get angry or frustrated when others don’t follow those rules.
The following list of rules is based on surveys and research. Nothing is new, because humans are basically the same complicated creatures we have always been.
You don’t have to agree with everything listed, but if you have been dating without any rules, you may want to adopt some of these, especially if you aren’t happy with the results you’ve been getting.
1. Don’t claim that you want a serious relationship when you are dating more than a few people already, especially if you are having sex with any or all of them.
While you may find someone you feel strongly about while you are seeing someone, you’re uncertain of, it’s typically a good idea to trim the field so that you can focus when a good one shows up.
2A. Ladies: Please don’t talk about how important size is when you claim to be inexperienced.
Even those of us with size don’t want to hear about how many men you’ve been with that have small ones. If you are so focused on size that you talk about it before getting close to having sex or even having more than one date, then you will give the impression that you have probably been with too many men. If its really important, adult women know how to determine size without having the discussion.
2B. Men: Please don’t talk about how important size is when the woman clearly doesn’t have what you say you like.
Don’t talk about how big a woman’s breasts have to be if she clearly has modest breasts, or how much you like juicy booties when she has a flat one. It’s not as if she’s going to rush out and get implants, so if you don’t like what you see, keep it moving.
3. Please don’t place your religious views up front when you have already talked about what a freak you are and what kind of sexual activities you require (see above).
If your religious views are important to you, then you should be following them without a hitch. If, however, you are human and do have failings, stop judging other people by your own views. Pay attention to their hearts and their relationships with other humans, but most importantly, pay attention to how they treat you.
4. Don’t demand what you don’t possess.
If you work at the golden arches, don’t front if he/she works at Burger King. Too many people in America claim to be living large, when they are really one paycheck away from disaster. Two incomes may allow a couple to build something solid for the future.
5. Don’t introduce sex too soon.
For men or women, once sex is in the mix, things will change. If you aren’t certain where things are going, sex can only confuse things, especially if you already know that you don’t want a relationship with the person.
6. Be as open and as flexible as possible.
When dating someone who grew up in a different place, with different values and perhaps in a different era (the two are five or more years apart), some things must be flexible in order for the two to merge into one.
7. Stop complaining about dating the “wrong” kind of people.
The “wrong” people can only date you if you allow them to. Make a list of things you know you don’t want and when you see them, break before you get in too deep. Don’t allow the physical or the financial to get you caught up.
8. Stop talking about how people need to have “interesting” conversation on a date if you are only referring to the things you are interested in.
Finding someone to date and love does not mean that they will entertain you. It’s nice to have some things in common, but having divergent interests is a part of being in adult relationships. If you want someone to be interested in you, you must also be interested in them. Good conversation requires listening as well as communicating.
9. Keep your past out of your present so that you can have a future.
As adults, most of us have been hurt. And while some discussion on where we’ve been is important, too much focus on the past can give the impression that you may not necessarily be prepared for the future.
10. Don’t expect anyone to be everything you have ever wanted.
That sounds good in fairy tales, but in the real world, all of us have challenges. Make a list of the things you want and the things you know you cannot deal with. If the two lists balance each other out, decide if you can work with a human being or if you want to keep looking for what you saw on television.
These are rules of engagement for dating. Use them when you meet someone you really like, and you may end up having an easier time getting to know someone.
You can add to these rules, but some things are basic, and time tested.
